Cancer

My Journey through (the shadow of death) Cancer.

February 2003

One morning while working at my desk I thought to myself….”man do I feel gassy today.” This will be trouble for all those who walk by the copier while I stand there making my daily copies. The day progressed and so did, what I thought were gas pains. Feeling that this pain had gone on too long I called my physicians nurse for advice. My doctor was not available but they offered Med Point as an alternative. By now my co-workers who saw the pain growing on my face, transformed into MD’s to diagnosis what I was feeling. Five o’clock rolled around and I could barely walk. I knew that driving home, helping Langston with his homework, and cooking dinner would be tasks I didn’t think I could complete. Med Point seemed to be a good choice. What I experienced at Med Point was more pain, few answers and wasted time. The suggestion was left at; if the pain gets any worse, go to the emergency room. Home was more of the same. The pain had immobilized me, and all I wanted to do was lay down and pray the pain would go away. At a very weak moment I wanted my mommy. So I called her and cried through the whole story. By 1 am I find myself on the couch still waiting for the pain to go away. I made this deal with myself that if I was still in pain by 2 am I would drive myself to the hospital. 2am comes around and here I lay – eyes wide shut – and faced with the proclamation I made an hour earlier. I knew something was not right. Desperation was upon me, yet I had a plan. I’d go to the emergency room at 2 and be home by 7, plenty of time to get Langston up and ready for school. So I called Marce, who at the time lived down the street, to let her know of my plans to leave my 8 year old sleeping child at home. When I arrived at Memorial hospital I was surprised that they attended to me so quickly. Maybe it was the way I was doubled over. I was shocked to hear myself explain my condition as abdominal pain and not just gas pains. Twelve hours later a doctor comes to my bedside and informs me that I have a large mass growing in my abdomen the size of a grapefruit and that I would need to see a surgeon. My only question to him at the time was can you make this current pain go away. That pain was a warning sign. Up until my surgery, a month later, I had no pain similar to that.
Having cancer never crossed my mind. Not even after meeting with an oncologist (a doctor specializing in cancer). I just thought he was a female surgeon who would serve as counsel to the surgeon performing the surgery. After surgery, what I was considering an onsite oncologist, informed me that my gas pains now had a name – ovarian cancer. According to him I would need three injections (in the end four). In my mind what’s three little shots? I had no idea what chemotherapy involved. I learned later that ovarian cancer has very few symptoms which are subtle and often leave patients in the third or fourth stages upon discovery of the cancer. I was blessed to find mine in it’s first stages. However the moment I learned that ONE treatment consisted of 3 to 4 hours of chemo a day 5 days a week, and I would lose my hair, my whole countenance changed. The crazy part was I could handle being sick but certainly not looking sick. How vain….I probably thought the song was about me. This was my life: I had just purchased my first home, lost my job through downsizing after five years, endured 80 hours of chemo, only to include having two blood transfusions. “What did I do wrong God,” was my question. “Have I not been your servant?” “Why the big pause in my life and when do we press play, or better yet fast forward. My understanding of this has not fully unfolded but I get glimpses of it all the time. I know it has helped me to become more compassionate for people and an intercessor for my mother who 1 year later to my diagnoses’ discovered she had cervical cancer.
The kind of care, support and prayers I received from my church family was something no one could ever dream of having. New Wings of Faith came through with flying colors without even a whisper of me saying one word. I am to this day drawn to tears of the people that reached out to me and my son as if we were a part of their own biological family. No greater love than a man that would lay his life down for a friend huh. I could not be cancer free today had it not been for my faith, my attitude, the prayers and my praise. Hallelujah!

God I’ll never forget.
Love,
Pamela Blair.